1. Are those pants on sale? Because they're 100% off at my place!
2. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
3. Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
4. Girl, your eyes are bluer than Heisenberg's crystal!
5. Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
6. I have a job for you, but it blows!
7. Come in the house and take off your coat, open your mouth and let me coat the back of that throat!
8. Hey do you have an inhaler? Because you got that ass ma!
9. If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
10. The club ends at 2, I gotta go to work at 8 lets go back to your place so you can get that pussy ate
11. Why pay $5 when you can't get this footling for free
12. You know I live a Magnum Lifestyle
13. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
14. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
15. Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
16. Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
17. Can I see your tan lines?
18. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
19. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
20. I'll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.
21. I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
22. Nice beach balls, can I play?
23. My guitar teacher says my fingering is good, especially on the G-string
24. Wow! Are those real?
25. Are you a termite? Because you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
26. My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?
27. My dick is like catnip, it'll make a cougar like you go wild.
28. Do you like Sea World, because your about to be in my splash zone
29. Does your pussy smell like fish because I like sushi
30. Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
31. I'm no rooster, but watch what this cock-a-do-to-you
32. Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
33. Do you like chocolate, because your gonna choke a lot on this dick
34. I'm going to make you breakfast...Omelet you suck this dick.
35. Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
36. Can I see your blueprints? I wanna lay some pipe in you and need to know that you're structurally sound enough to do so.
37. I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
38. Your Ass Looks Nice, does it need servicing because I got a wrench and some screws just for you.
39. Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard.
40. Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?
41. Hello, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual
42. Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
43. I've got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first?
44. You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
45. I've got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
46. The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
47. Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?
48. Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
49. Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
50. Do you have an inhaler? Because you've got ass ma.
51. Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
52. I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back... "Nice ass!"
53. Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
54. Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I'll stuff your crust.
55. I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
56. Do you like Adele? Because I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
57. I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
58. Is it hot in here, or are your boobs just huge.
59. We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
60. You're so hot you could make a deceased man's dick rise from the dead!
61. You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you!
62. Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
63. Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!
64. Are we related? Do you want to be?
65. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
66. I have an 'owie' on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
67. I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!
68. People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!
69. That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
70. Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
71. Are you from Iraq? Because I like the way you Baghdad ass up.
72. Are you from the ghetto? Because I'm about to ghetto hold of dat ass.
73. Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
74. As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
75. Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
76. Damn girl I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
77. Do you like pudding? Because I'll be pudding this dick in your ass.
78. Do you work for Papa Johns? Because you're a fine pizza ass.
79. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
80. First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
81. I hope you like dragons, because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
82. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
83. I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
84. If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
85. Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
86. Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
87. My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
88. There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
89. Those boobs look very heavy... can I hold them for you?
90. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
91. Why pay for a bra, when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
92. You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
93. You can call me cake, because I'll go straight to your ass.
94. Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
95. Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
96. (Excuse me, do you have the time?) 'Yes, do you have the energy?'
97. (Give the person a bottle of wine or tequila) Drink this, and then call me when you're ready.
98. (Grab his/her tush.) Pardon me, is this seat taken?
99. (Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
100. (Leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
101. (Look down at your crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
102. (Looking at a girls ass) Where does this bus go anyway?
103. (Point at her ass) Pardon me, is this seat taken?
104. (Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say) 'Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?'
105. (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
106. (Walk into her chest) 'If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!'
107. (What are you doing?) I'm taking off my shoes. (Why?) So I can take off my pants.
108. Are my undies showing? ('No.') 'Would you like them to?'
109. Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?
110. Are those jeans Guess? Because guess who wants to be inside them...
111. Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
112. Are you a cowgirl because I can see you riding me
113. Are you a doctor? because you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
114. Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
115. Are you a farmer? No, because you sure know how to raise a cock.
116. Are you a flight attendant? Because you gonna be plane with this dick soon.
117. Are you a horse? (No) Can I ride you anyway?
118. Are you a Jehovah's Witness? Because I'm about to bend Jehovah and let you witness this dick.
119. Are you a light switch? Because you turn me on!
120. Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!
121. Are you a racehorse? Because when I ride you'll always finish first.
122. Are you a raisin? because your a raisin my dick.
123. Are you a shark? Because I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
124. Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
125. Are you an archaeologist? Because I've got a bone for you to examine.
126. Are you an elevator? Because I wanna go down on you.
127. Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I'll understand if you spit.
128. Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I'll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
129. Are you cold? Would you like a jacket? Because you can jack it when we get back to my place
130. Are you constipated? Because I wanna fuck the shit out of you.
131. Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
132. Are you from Africa? Because I wanna know Kenya suck this dick?
133. Are you from China? Because I'm China get in your pants.
134. Are you from Ireland? Because my dick's-a-Dublin!
135. Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis.
136. Are you gay? (No) Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
137. Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where MY BALLZ drop dead in your mouth
138. Are you hungry? Because omelette you suck this dick.
139. Are you in to Casual Sex or should I dress up?
140. Are you Jewish? Because the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish this dick was in your mouth.
141. Are you my homework? Because I'm not doing you but I definitely should be.
142. Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls.
143. Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.
144. Are your knees dirty? I don't want to get my floor dirty.
145. Aren't you the girl/guy who is having sex with that really good looking guy/girl? (No.) Want to be?
146. As long as you need a place to sit, you'll always have my face.
147. As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!
148. At the office copy machine 'Reproducing eh?' 'Can I help?'
149. Babe, are you an elevator? Because i want to go down on you.
150. Baby I last longer than a white crayon.
151. Baby I want to wear you like a pair of sun glasses, one leg over each ear.
152. Baby you're a sex crime waiting to happen.
153. Baby your bone structure is giving my 'bone' structure.
154. Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find them hot and leave them wet!
155. Baby!! My love for you is like Diarrhea. It just keeps coming out
156. Beauty is only skin deep; a huge cock goes much deeper.
157. Boy: Do you wanna be my SLUT?
158. Girl: WHAT!
159. Boy: Do you even know what slut stands for?
160. Boy: (S)weet (L)ittle (U)nforgetable (T)hing
161. Bring a teabag and screw in your pocket....go to the bar hold up the teabag and screw and ask if she wants to teabag or screw...
162. Call me Chris Brown, because I'd hit that! (Look at her ass)
163. Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?
164. Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I'm sure you can offer 69.
165. Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?
166. Can I park my car in your garage? It's pretty big, but it doesn't leak.
167. Can I please be your slave tonight?
168. Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?
169. Can I take you to the Bone-yard?
170. Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
171. Can you help me up? My dick is too big.
172. Clothes look heavy on ya, want me to relieve some?
173. Come here or my dick will start CUMING for you!
174. Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.
175. Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you have a pretty sweet ass!
176. Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
177. Do you cum here, often?
178. Do you go to church often? Because you're gonna be on your knees tonight.
179. Do you handle chickens because you look like you'd be good with cocks
180. Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one?
181. Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?
182. Do you have a can opener? My dick is about to pop.
183. Do you have a composition notebook? Because you can come position yourself on my face.
184. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
185. Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me.
186. Do you have a shovel? Because I'm diggin' that ass!
187. Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more?
188. Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
189. Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
190. Do you know Phillis Brown? Because in a minute you gonna phil-this brown dick
191. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
192. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?
193. Do you know what part of the tongue registers the 'salty taste? Why don't you blow me and find out?
194. Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? (No) Wink.
195. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
196. Do you know your ABC's? Because I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
197. Do you like Alphabet soup...Because you gonna be choking on the D
198. Do you like apples? (Yes/No) How about I take you home and fuck the sh*t out of you. How do like them apples?
199. Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
200. Do you like cherries? If not can I have yours?
201. Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
202. Do you like dragons? Because in a minute I'll be dragon my balls across your face
203. Do you like duck meat? Then duck down here and get some meat.
204. Do you like Imagine Dragons? Well Imagine Dragon my balls across your face.
205. Do you like jalapeños? Because in a minute I'll be jalapeño pussy.
206. Do you like jewels? (Yes/No) well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
207. Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let's go to my room and put our pieces together.
208. Do you like Kids? Because I'm about to make your mouth a daycare
209. Do you like Krispy Kreme, because I'm gonna glaze your donut.
210. Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
211. Do you like Ramen Noodles? Because I'll be Rammin' my noodle in you later.
212. Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. (Mountain Dew)
213. Do you like tapes and CD's? Because I'm gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you CD's nuts.
214. Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in Raw.
215. Do you like warm weather? Because I'm gonna put my warm balls on your face weather you like it or not
216. Do you like Wendy's? Because you're gonna love Wendy's nuts slap yo face!
217. Do you like whales? Because we can go hump back at my place.
218. Do you like yoga? Because Yoganna love this dick.
219. Do you live on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
220. Do you need a stud in your life? Because I got the STD and all I need is U.
221. Do you run track? Because I heard you Relay want this dick.
222. Do you sleep on your stomach? (No) Can I?
223. Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together
224. Do you take it up the ass?
225. Do you take Visa?
226. Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?
227. Do you use an inhaler? Because you got assssss ma.
228. Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
229. Do you wanna do something that rhymes with 'Truck'?
230. Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?
231. Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
232. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
233. Do you work at the wood store? Because I could've sworn you gave me wood before.
234. Does your ass have Allstate insurance? (No, why?) Well do you want it to be in good hands?
235. Don't ever change. Just get naked.
236. Don't worry, I don't get emotionally involved. It's just physical.
237. Erections like these don't grow on trees you know.
238. Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?
239. Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? (No) Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
240. Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
241. Excuse me, but I have the mother load and was wondering if you had a place
242. Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
243. Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
244. Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
245. Excuse me, I just shit in my pants. Can I get in yours?
246. Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?
247. Excuse me, My name is Ben Dover (bend over). Would you like to meet my friend Master Bates (masturbates)? Or should I do it for you?
248. Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts?
249. Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?
250. Fancy a fuck?
251. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
252. Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get them while they're hot!
253. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
254. Fuck me, I'm beautiful enough to be with you all night.
255. Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
256. Girl are you a witch? Because you know how to make something stand without even touching it
257. Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
258. Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head.
259. Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck…
260. Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
261. Guess what?! I've got an 8' tongue and I can breath out of my ears!
262. Gurl, you make me wanna dive in the sea..... dat pus-sea.
263. Guy pulls out a quarter 'if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?'
264. Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place.
265. Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone because I want to hit the pound button all day long.
266. Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!
267. Have this flower before I take yours
268. Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we'll see what rises.
269. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out) Would you like to?
270. Have you ever played 'Spank the brunette'? Want to try?
271. Have you ever played leap frog naked??
272. Have you seen my enormous jar of 'Penis Reducing Cream'?
273. Having sex is a lot like golf. I'm always happy when I get a hole in one.
274. He: Hi, what's the color of your hair? She: (tells him) He: And the hair on your head?
275. Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity?
276. Hello, love, do you spit or swallow?
277. Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?
278. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? (No) What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
279. Hey babe, wanna sample my DNA?
280. Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
281. Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
282. Hey baby, I'll fuck you so hard the neighbors will be having a cigarette when we're done.
283. Hey baby, I'm kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
284. Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
285. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long!
286. Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?
287. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, Slippery When Wet, Dangerous Curves ahead, Yield?
288. Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
289. Hey baby, you like Glazed or creme filled?
290. Hey baby, you've got something on your butt – my eyes!
291. Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
292. Hey baby…can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
293. Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
294. Hey girl do you wanna dance because you make my testicles do the macarena
295. Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!
296. Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
297. Hey people call me the bar stool because of my third leg
298. Hey since I lifted your spirits, how about you lift up your shirt.
299. Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
300. Hey, are you hiring? I really need a blowjob.
301. Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
302. Hey, do you exercise? Can I be your thigh master?
303. Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!
304. Hey, lets play farmer, You be the farmland, I'll plant the seed.
305. Hey, my seamen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face?
306. Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
307. Hey, you've got a lawyer's ass. Yip, it's firm.
308. Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.
309. Hey! Wanna play war? (replies) WHAT? (you) Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
310. Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
311. Hi, do you want to have my children? (No) OK, can we just practice then?
312. Hi, I am your slave, take me home and mistreat me.
313. Hi, i'm a burglar... and I'm gonna smash your back door in!
314. Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
315. Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
316. Hi, my name is ______________. I eat pussy like a woman.
317. Hi, my name is 'Milk.' I'll do your body good.
318. Hi, my name's ______________. You might want to remember it now, because you'll be screaming it later!
319. Hi, wanna fuck? (No) Mind lying down while I do?
320. Hi! can i stir your drink, mind if i use my dick?
321. Hold out two fingers and say: 'Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?' (I don't know.) 'Because they're mine sweetheart.'
322. Honey, your dad doesn't have a penis. He's got a paintbrush!
323. How about later tonight, you let me slip into something a little more comfortable... Like your vagina.
324. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat!
325. How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!
326. How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!
327. How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?
328. How much does your clothes cost?? (Woman says 'Why do you want to know?') Because I`ll need to know how much to pay you back after I rip them off.!
329. Hypothetically speaking, if I were to fuck you, would you let me?
330. I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
331. I call my dick the truth because bitches can't handle it
332. I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.
333. I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
334. I cum in 5 seconds, you won't even know I was there.
335. I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
336. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
337. I dont care that you used to be fat, just come here and let me eat that cat!
338. I forgot my blow job at your house, can i come over and get it?
339. I got a 14 inch cock, why don't you come home with me and I'll let you ride
340. I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
341. I have a 13 inch dick. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later.
342. I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
343. I have a rare disease that will kill me unless I have sex within the next 30 minutes. Don't let me die!
344. I have a tongue like an anteater; want to go to the zoo?
345. I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give.
346. I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth??
347. I heard you got a boyfriend,
348. but girl don't try & pretend,
349. like you don't want this dick all the way in.
350. I heard you like Magic, well bend over and watch my dick disappear
351. I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?
352. I heard your grades are bad.....I'm sure this D won't hurt.
353. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you.
354. I hope you have a sewing machine, because im gonna tear dat ass up
355. I hope your a plumber, because you got my pipe leaking.
356. I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
357. I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
358. I know you haven't been studying, You must want the 'D'
359. I like being able to breathe but I wouldn't mind having that ass-thma
360. I like my women, like I like my ice cream, fat free and dripping down my fingers
361. I like your hair, your eyes, your smile… I like every bone in your body… Especially mine!
362. I lost my pants, do you mind if I wrap your legs around me instead?
363. I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
364. I love my bed but I'd rather be in yours.
365. I love you, I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
366. I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.
367. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock!
368. I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
369. I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?
370. I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south?
371. I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.
372. I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
373. I think I'm in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
374. I think my allergies are acting up. Because every time your around my dick swells up.
375. I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just fuck.
376. I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
377. I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
378. I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help….
379. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
380. I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
381. I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
382. I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
383. I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I'm kinda hoping you're a slut!
384. I would fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it.
385. I would tell you a joke about my penis....buts its too long 😉
386. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.
387. I'd hide every chair in the world just so you'd have to sit on my face.
388. I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
389. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to
390. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
391. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
392. I'd treat you like a snow storm. Give you six to eight inches and make it mildly inconvenient for you to move in the morning.
393. I'll bet you $10 my dick can't fit into your mouth.
394. I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
395. I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.
396. I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished.
397. I'm a burglar and I'm gonna smash your backdoor in.
398. I'm a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?
399. I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
400. I'm a Gemini. What's your sign? Fire Down Below?
401. I'm a starving artist and I want to eat you.
402. I'm a used car but you can still drive me!
403. I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
404. I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?
405. I'm afraid of the dark... Will you sleep with me tonight?
406. I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
407. I'm an interior decorator. I can fill your interior; I see something big and pink.
408. I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic
409. I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first
410. I'm either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.
411. I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
412. I'm going outside to make out… care to join me?
413. I'm going to have sex with you later, so you might as well be there!
414. I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
415. I'm hard. You wet?
416. I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
417. I'm leaving this place … want to cum?
418. I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
419. I'm like chocolate: I go straight to your ass!
420. I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!
421. I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
422. I'm not a dick in real life, but I'll play one in your vagina tonight!
423. I'm not an expert in hardware, but I know that you'd be able to screw my nuts off.
424. I'm not Asian but I'll still eat your cat.
425. I'm not skinny, I'm ribbed for your her pleasure
426. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?
427. I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
428. I'm peanut butter, you're jelly, let's have sex.
429. I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?
430. I'm studying to be a Taxidermist. Can I practice stuffing your pussy?
431. I'm the doctor of love baby and you're over due for your meat injection!
432. I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
433. I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
434. I've got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?
435. I've got a condom with your name on it.
436. I've got a great big cock!
437. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
438. I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
439. If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put my dick in your ass!
440. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK'
441. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
442. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
443. If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? (No) Well, I don't, so let's go.
444. If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
445. If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me?
446. If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (No) Good, because mine is 8 inches.
447. If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?
448. If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?
449. If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
450. If I'm a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricants.
451. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
452. If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
453. If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
454. If you talk to me, I'll fuck you.
455. If you were a car, I'd wax you and ride you all over town.
456. If you were a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you.
457. If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
458. If you're feeling down, I can fill you up.
459. If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
460. Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
461. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra?
462. Is it your birthday?, because icing isn't the only thing I'll be smearing all over face your face tonight.
463. Is Pussy Lips one word? Because I'm gonna spread them tonight
464. Is you father a lumberjack (No, why?) Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
465. Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.
466. Is your dad a farmer? (No, why?) Because you got some melons.
467. Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
468. Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition
469. It sure is hot and stuffy in here. Would you like to take a cold shower?
470. Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
471. Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
472. Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
473. Let us let only latex stand between our love.
474. Let's go fuck in a brand new limo.
475. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
476. Let's go to your place and love each other until my dick falls in your pussy.
477. Let's just fuck.
478. Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
479. Let's play Barbie. I'll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
480. Let's play breathalyzer! You blow me as hard as you can, and I will tell you how drunk you are!
481. Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
482. Lets play 'Titanic.' When I say 'Iceberg!' you do down.
483. Lets play circus, first sit on my face i'll guess your weight and i'll eat the difference
484. Lets play house...you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!
485. Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
486. Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
487. Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, 'Fuck it'.
488. Life is short. Let's fuck and see if there is anything after that.
489. Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.
490. Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
491. Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.
492. Male: Hey, I don't feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.
493. May i pleasure you with my tongue?
494. Mines bigger than his want proof?
495. Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
496. My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
497. My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?
498. My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
499. My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.
500. My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
501. My friend and I made a bet and I need to check if those are implants.
502. My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties...oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast...
503. My name is Skittles… wanna taste my rainbow?
504. My name's Pogo, d'ya wanna jump on my stick?
505. My penis is like a dictionary want me to blow your mind?
506. My place…..Eight o'clock……bring a friend.
507. My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot.
508. Nice fucking weather. Want to?
509. Nice legs, lets eat out.
510. Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
511. Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
512. Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
513. Nice tits, mind if i feel them?
514. Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
515. Oh, you're a bird watcher. (Pull out your dong) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
516. Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.
517. Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I'll owe you one.
518. Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.
519. Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
520. Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
521. Roses are red, violets are blue, we're having sex, because I'm stronger than you
522. Roses or daises? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
523. Sex is a killer … want to die happy?.
524. Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let's begin.
525. Show me your pussy!
526. Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
527. Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?
528. Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
529. So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
530. So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
531. So, what are the chances of my balls slappin' your ass tonight?
532. So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
533. So, you're not into casual sex? Fine, I'll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
534. Some men go around telling women they have an eight inch penis; I'd never shortchange myself like that!
535. Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
536. That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
537. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
538. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
539. That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
540. That's a nice shirt, can I take you out of it?
541. That's a nice smile. It'd look better if it was all you were wearing!
542. The last woman I was with said, 'Kiss me where it stinks.' So, I drove her to New Jersey.
543. The names Dick, can I put it in you?
544. The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
545. The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.
546. The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
547. The word for tonight is 'legs.' Let's go back to my place and spread the word?
548. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
549. There are so many things you can do with the human mouth... why waste it on talking?
550. There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
551. They call me the cat whisperer, because I know exactly what the pussy needs.
552. They call me the Delivery Man, because I always come in the back door
553. They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
554. They're called 'eyebrows' cus my eyes are browsin your fine ass
555. This Dick a rental car company.....It Hertz
556. This may seem corny, but you make me really horny.
557. Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
558. Try me once and if you don't like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It'd be more if you want foreplay.
559. Walk up to a female and look at her crotch then look at her face back to crotch to face and say 'Are you gonna eat that?'
560. Wanna do something that rhymes with truck?
561. Wanna fuck like bunnies?
562. Wanna go on an ate with me? I'll give you the D later.
563. Wanna Job? It Blows!
564. Wanna make like Scarface and say hello to my little friend
565. Wanna play 'kite'? I lay down, you blow and we'll see how high you can make me.
566. Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.
567. Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
568. Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?, I'll shove a tic tac up your pussy and try to give you 3 O's in a row.
569. Wanna see my third leg?
570. Wanna tickle my Oscar Meyer Wiener?
571. Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
572. Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
573. Want to see my hard drive? It ain't 3.5 inches, and it ain't floppy!
574. Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, 'do you want to taste my drink?'
575. Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
576. We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.
577. We'll probably never see each other again, so let's screw.
578. We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
579. We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out?
580. Well spread my cheeks and call me 'cell bitch;' you're prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!
581. Were you conceived on a sofa? Because you are sofacking fine.
582. What are you doing tonight beside me?
583. What can I do to make you sleep with me?
584. What do I have to do to be your booty call?
585. What do you like for breakfast?
586. What if I start this relationship with you as a friend. Will you allow me to give you the 'D' later?
587. What is long and hard, and right behind you?
588. What time do you get off? Can I watch?
589. What'll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
590. What's the biggest moving muscle in a women's body. My cock!
591. What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.
592. What's the speed limit of sex? (what?) 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
593. Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
594. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
595. Will you marry me for just one night?
596. With great penis, comes great responsibility.
597. Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns?
598. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
599. Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: 'Smile if you want to have sex with me.' Watch her smile!
600. Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
601. Yeah. I'm an asshole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?
602. You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 5.
603. You are the reason that god invented boners.
604. You bring a whole new meaning to the word, 'edible.'
605. You can call me 'The Fireman'....mainly because I turn the hoes on!
606. You can touch mine if I can touch yours with mine.
607. You don't want to have sex on your period? I don't mind a little ketchup on the hot dog as long as the bun is tight.
608. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?.
609. You have been very naughty. Go to my room!
610. You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.
611. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
612. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
613. You know what cums after C....The D!
614. You know what I like in a girl? My dick.
615. You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Because I know exactly what that pussy needs.
616. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
617. You look familiar, have we had sex before?
618. You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.
619. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.
620. You might not be a Bulls fan.. But I know you felt it when this D Rose.
621. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
622. You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.
623. You Need Directions?...Well First you gotta take this D-tour.
624. You need something to shut that big mouth of yours!
625. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
626. You remind me of my cousin. (How?) I want to fuck you so bad, but I know that I can't.
627. You remind me of the movie 'Scarface' because I want you to say hello to my little friend.
628. You run track?, because I heard you relay want this dick.
629. You Say: I'm jealous of your dress. She says 'Why?' You say: Because it's touching your body, and I'm not.
630. You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls all day.
631. You smell like trash. May I take you out?
632. You smell... We should go take a shower together.
633. You'd mind if I fantasize about you?
634. You're like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
635. You're like my own personal brand of heroin.
636. You're like Pringles once I pop you, I can't stop you.
637. You're on my list of things to do tonight.
638. Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
639. Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.
640. Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
641. Your pants remind me of Vegas.... The kinda place I go to blow my Wad.
642. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
643. Your so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.
644. Your so hot I'd jack your dad off just to see where you came from.
645. Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
646. When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?
647. I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.
648. Are you a thief? Cause I want you to steal my virginity tonight!
649. You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
650. I like every bone in your body, especially mine.
651. Is there a cellphone in your backpocket? Cause that ass is calling me!
652. Roses are red, violets are twisted, bend over you’re about to get fisted
653. Are you a poster? Because I want to pin you on a wall
654. I’ll treat you like my homework: Slam you on the table and do you all night long!
655. Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
656. I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
657. Are you a blanket? cos I love it when you’re on top of me.
658. You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
659. Your body is a Wonderland an I’d like to be Alice
660. Do you believe in evolution? Cause my homo is erectus.
661. Lets play titanic youll be the ocean and ill go down on you
662. Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
663. My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
664. Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.
665. How do you spell “me”? (M-E) You forgot the D (There’s no D in ME) Not yet ;)
666. I`m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.
667. You work at a post office? Cause I saw you checking out my package.
668. Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!
669. The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fck you on the floor.
670. Baby, I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!
671. Girl, I’m jealous of your heart. ‘Cause it’s pumping inside you and I’m not.
672. That dress looks really good on you but, it would look better on my bedroom floor.
673. I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!
674. I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
675. I hope you got a pet insurance, cause tonight I’m gonna destroy that pussy.
676. You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
677. Do you want to go on a ate? I’ll give you the D later
678. Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!
679. If you were a squirrel, would you help me bust a nut?
680. Baby I’m like a firefighter I find them hot and leave them wet.
681. I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
682. I’ve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
683. Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
684. Guy pulls out a quarter”if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
685. There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus
686. Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out!
687. That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
688. You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.
689. Let’s play Titanic. I’ll be the Iceberg you’ll go down on.
690. I can’t do magic but I can do you!
691. Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis
692. Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?
693. I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
694. Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.
695. Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
696. I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.
697. You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.
698. Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!
699. Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
700. Smile, if you want to have sex with me.
701. Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
702. Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
703. Your legs are like an Oreo, I wanna split them apart and eat everything in between.
704. I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
705. If you jingle my bells, you’ll have a white Christmas
706. I heard you are looking for a stud. I’ve got the STD, all I need is U.
707. I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
708. You want to come over for Thanksgiving? Because I’m gonna stuff your turkey.
709. Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
710. Are you a trampoline because I want to bounce on you
711. You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
712. Roses are red grass is greener when i think about you i play with my wiener
713. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
714. What has four legs and doesn’t have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Want to fix that?
715. Girl do you have a shovel in that back pocket? Cause I’m digging that ass!
716. Can you help me with my science assignment? I need to know how to get to Uranus.
717. If you were my waitress I wouldn’t just give you a tip, I’d give you the whole thing!
718. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the D in U!
719. Are you a daycare center? Because I want to put kids in you!
720. Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!
721. You know what I like in a girl? [What?] My dick.
722. Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
723. Touch your toes and I will show u where the rocket goes!
724. Are you spaghetti? Because I want you to meat my balls
725. I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
726. Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!
727. Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.” Watch her smile!
728. That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
729. Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that.
730. Oh, you’re a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
731. If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.
732. Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
733. Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
734. Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.
735. Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because there’s a political uprising in my pants
736. Hey girl, are you a convertible car? Because you would look even better with your top down.
737. You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
738. I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…
739. Those hands look bored.. I got something they can work on.
740. Do you want to have good sex? [No!] Well then come to my place!
741. Did you grow up on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a cock.
742. Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
743. Are you a sea lion? Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight!
744. I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
745. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
746. You remind me of my little toe... because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
747. Are you from Iraq? 'Cause I like the way you Baghdad ass up.
748. Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
749. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
750. My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
751. I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
752. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
753. Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard.
754. That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
755. Do you have an Asian passport? Because I'm China get into your Japantees
756. Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
757. Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
758. Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because there’s a political uprising in my pants!
759. Are you a farmer? Because you’ve got some big, round, beautiful melons!
760. Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis!
761. Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
762. Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
763. Do you run track? Cause I heard you Relay want this dick.
764. My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
765. If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
766. Are you from the ghetto? Cause I'm about to ghetto hold of dat ass.
767. You know what I like in a girl? My dick.
768. Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
769. So you’re not into casual sex? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
770. Are you a doctor? cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
771. Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
772. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?
773. I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
774. If I were a Nintendo cartridge would you blow me?
775. Do you work at Home Depot? Because you’re giving me wood.
776. I would tell you a joke about my penis, but it’s too long!
777. Hi, I’m wasted but this condom in my pocket doesn't have to be.
778. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK’
779. F**k me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
780. Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
781. Are you a pirate? Cause I’ve got a lot of semen waiting for you.
782. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
783. Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.
784. Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
785. Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
786. Do you have an inhaler? Because you've got ass ma.
787. Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
788. You can call me cake, cause I'll go straight to your ass.
789. Are you hungry? Cause omelette you suck this dick.
790. Do you like pudding? Cause I'll be pudding this dick in your ass.
791. Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
792. Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
793. Are you an early hominid? Because I've got a Homo Erectus right now.
794. Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussy's getting smashed tonight!
795. Are you my homework? Cause I'm not doing you but I definitely should be.
796. Do you like jalapeños? Cause in a minute I'll be jalapeño pussy.
797. Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?
798. I'm not Asian but I'll still eat your cat.
799. There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
800. Do you go to church often? Cause you're gonna be on your knees tonight.
801. Touch your toes and I'll show you where the rocket goes!
802. On a scale from 1 to "the human centipede", how close am I to that ass?
803. Do you know your ABC's? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
804. I hope you like dragons, because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
805. I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
806. You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
807. Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
808. Your clothes are making me uncomfortable; please take them off.
809. I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
810. What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
811. I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
812. I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
813. What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.
814. Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
815. I'm afraid of the dark... Will you sleep with me tonight?
816. I love my bed but I'd rather be in yours.
817. Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find 'em hot and leave 'em wet!
818. If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.
819. I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.
820. Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
821. Do you work at build-a-bear? Because I’d stuff you
822. I’ll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.
823. Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
824. Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
825. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
826. Are you a raisin? Cuz you’re a raisin my dick!
827. If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
828. I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
829. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
830. Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together
831. Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
832. Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
833. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
834. Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
835. If you thought Disneyland was the happiest place on earth, you haven’t been in my pants yet!
836. Why pay for a bra, when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
837. You smell like trash. May I take you out?
838. If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
839. Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
840. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
841. Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you
842. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
843. If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
844. That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
845. So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
846. Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
847. Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
848. Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
849. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long!
850. Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat.
851. Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition
852. Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
853. I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
854. Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
855. Are you from Africa? Cause I wanna know Kenya suck this dick?
856. We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
857. Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
858. You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you!
859. Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis.
860. Do you like Ramen Noodles? Cuz I'll be Rammin' my noodle in you later.
861. Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.
862. Do you like whales? Cause we can go hump back at my place.
863. Baby I last longer than a white crayon.
864. The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
865. Do you like to draw? Cause I put the D in Raw.
866. We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.
867. You remind me of the movie "Scarface" cause I want you to say hello to my little friend.
868. Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
869. Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
870. I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
871. "Do you like cherries?" [No.] "Ok, can I have yours?"
872. Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.
873. [Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?"
874. At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
875. Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me.
876. (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
877. Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
878. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
879. Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.
880. Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
881. Does your ass have Allstate insurance? [No, why?] Well do you want it to be in good hands?
882. Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
883. You have been very naughty. Go to my room!
884. Do you like Wendy's? Cause you're gonna love Wendy's nuts slap yo face!
885. Don't ever change. Just get naked.
886. Are those jeans Guess? Cause guess who wants to be inside them...
887. Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
888. Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
889. Are you the SAT? Cause I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a ten minute break in the middle for snacks.
890. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
891. Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
892. I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
893. Judging by your hair, you seem like a girl who likes to do anal.
894. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
895. I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
896. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
897. I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
898. Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.
899. Damn girl I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
900. I have a job for you, but it blows!
901. Do you have a shovel? Cause I'm diggin' that ass!
902. Judging by your hair, you seem like a girl who likes to do anal.
903. The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
904. Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.
905. You're so hot you could make a deceased man's dick rise from the dead!
906. As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
907. You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.
908. Do you like tapes and CD's? Cause I'm gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you CD's nuts.
909. Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. (Mountain Dew)
910. Is it hot in here, or are your boobs just huge.
911. I'm peanut butter, you're jelly, let's have sex.
912. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
913. Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
914. Nice shoes, wanna f**k?
915. Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
916. Call me Chris Brown, cause I’d hit that!
917. They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that p*ssy needs.
918. You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.
919. You must be Jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that.
920. I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
921. Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
922. Wanna go bowling? I’ll give you a chance to pin me.
923. Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
924. Your bone structure is giving my bone structure.
925. Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
926. Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
927. Are you jewish? Cause the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish this dick was in your mouth.
928. Do you work for Papa Johns? Cause you're a fine pizza ass.
929. Girl are you a witch? Cause you know how to make something stand without even touching it
930. Are you from China? Cause I'm China get in your pants.
931. Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I'll stuff your crust.
932. You remind me of my cousin. I want to bang you so bad, but I know that I can't.
933. Please tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes
934. My name is Haywood. Haywood Jablome.
935. Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
936. [Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say] "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
937. The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor.
938. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
939. We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f**k.
940. What can I do to make you sleep with me?
941. I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
942. Do you like yoga? Cause Yoganna love this dick.
943. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
944. I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart.
945. Wanna play Pearl Harbor? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the hell outta me!
946. If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
947. My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
948. If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.
949. Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and f**k the sh*t out of you. How do like them apples?
950. Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
951. They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
952. First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
953. Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
954. I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
955. So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
956. I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
957. I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
958. Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
959. Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
960. Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
961. If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
962. Nice f**king weather. Want to?
963. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
964. We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out?
965. There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
966. Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
967. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
968. What do you like for breakfast?
969. Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
970. Could I touch your belly button... from the inside?
971. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
972. Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
973. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
974. Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
975. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
976. I’d remove all the chairs in the world, just so you have to sit on my face.
977. Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
978. Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
979. Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
980. I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
981. Do you take Visa?
982. Excuse me, I just shit in my pants. Can I get in yours?
983. You are the reason that god invented boners.
984. With great penis, comes great responsibility.
985. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
986. There are so many things you can do with the human mouth... why waste it on talking?
987. How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?
988. You smell... We should go take a shower together.
989. Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns?
990. You're like my own personal brand of heroin.
991. This may seem corny, but you make me really horny.
992. I'm a burglar and I'm gonna smash your backdoor in.
993. Do you wanna do something that rhymes with 'Truck'?
994. I have a rare disease that will kill me unless I have sex within the next 30 minutes.
995. Don't let me die! I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
996. Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
997. Let us let only latex stand between our love.
998. Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?
999. Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
1000. You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
1001. I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
1002. Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
1003. If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
1004. Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
1005. I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
1006. Are you from Ireland? 'Cuz my dick's-a-Dublin! [Look down at your crotch]
1007. It's not just going to suck itself.
1008. I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
1009. [Hold up a screw] Wanna screw?
1010. [What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
1011. How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!
1012. "I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast!
1013. Is your name Dora? Cause I'll let you explore this dick.
1014. I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
1015. Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
1016. Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
1017. Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
1018. Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
1019. Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
1020. Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
1021. Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
1022. I'm easy. Are you?
1023. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
1024. Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
1025. I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help...
1026. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution? Slippery when wet? Dangerous curves ahead? Yield?
1027. Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
1028. Hey baby, I'll f**k you so well, the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
1029. Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
1030. Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
1031. Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
1032. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
1033. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra?
1034. You’re the type of girl I’d let sit on my face for a long period of time.
1035. Before I hit on you, do you have a problem with large genitalia?
1036. I could’ve called heaven and asked for an angel, but I was hoping you’re a slut instead.
1037. I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
1038. I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just f**k.
1039. You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
1040. If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
1041. Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.
1042. Wasn’t I supposed to eat you somewhere?
1043. You can’t be my first, but you could be my next.
1044. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
1045. You know, my lips won’t just kiss themselves.
1046. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag!
1047. Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; So let’s begin!
1048. Sit on my face and let me get to ‘Nose’ you better
1049. Are you flappy bird? Cause I could tap you all night.
1050. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna f**k you.
1051. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
1052. Hi, I'm gay. Do you think you can convert me?
1053. I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
1054. Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
1055. Life is short. Let's f**k and see if there is anything after that. Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
1056. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
1057. [Give the person a bottle of wine or tequila] Drink this, and then call me when you're ready.
1058. Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
1059. I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
1060. [Walk into her chest] "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!"
1061. If the sun were to stop shining, I'd be your source of vitamin D.
1062. How much will $20 get me?
1063. Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines... nice tits.
1064. Want to spend the night at my house tonight? The couch may not pull out, but I do.
1065. What are you doing tonight? Besides me, of course?
1066. Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the 'd' cause you'll get that later!
1067. My name is Skittles... wanna taste my rainbow?
1068. Are those pants on sale? Cause they're 100% off at my place!
1069. Can I punch you in the face... with my lips?
1070. My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?
1071. I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
1072. Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?
1073. I only have 12 hours to live... please don't let me die a virgin.
1074. I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel!
1075. What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
1076. What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
1077. You remind me of a crop, because I wanna plow you.
1078. Do you like long cocks on the beach?
1079. I'd crawl over a thousand miles of broken glass just to suck the dick of the last guy you slept with.
1080. Hey baby, I've got a back seat with your name on it.
1081. I wanna paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado.
1082. I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
1083. I have the entire dictionary written on my dick.
1084. Want me to put some words in your mouth??
1085. You should join the circus so you can learn to juggle my balls all day.
1086. Now that Trump is president, our country surely is screwed... and you can be too!
1087. Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
1088. My name is pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?
1089. If You Were A Dodge truck, I'd Ram You.
1090. Do you like Kellogg’s? Cause I wanna Frost your Flakes.
1091. I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
1092. Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.
1093. Was your father a welder? Because those sure are acetylene tits!
1094. I'm no good at pick up lines, but I can pick you up and you will feel my line.
1095. You wanna go out this weekend? [Sorry, I have a boyfriend] I have a math test tomorrow [What?] Oh, I thought we were talking about things we could both cheat on!
1096. Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!