1. A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
2. A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
3. A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
4. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. And you are the girl of my dream.
5. At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards. My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros.
6. Can I add you on LinkedIn?
7. Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
8. Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life.
9. Damn girl, you are the finest girl in class of ______.
10. Do you Magna Cum Laude here often?
11. Do you want to come over and we can do some job search together?
12. Don't say yes yet, I've got a whole speech planned.
13. Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.
14. Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
15. EVERYTHING you do is with honors.
16. For a quick and relaxing study break, I suggest screwing me in the stacks.
17. Girl, you're a 4.0.
18. Go for it now. The future is promised to no one.
19. Graduation celebrate school is done look out world here I come.
20. Graduation is a tough day for parents. They go to the ceremony as parents. They go home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years, they are unemployed.
21. Have you ever visited the deserted shelves in the main library? Want to?
22. Hey, boy, let me get your number — you haven’t shown up to our group-project meetings in weeks.
23. Hey, boy, let’s kiss … our perfect GPAs goodbye after that Chemistry final.
24. Hey, girl, I’d like to take you out … of library because you’re making too much noise.
25. Hey, girl, let’s exchange emails — I need you on my Google Doc.
26. High School is a lot like toilet paper, you only miss it when its gone.
27. I can't wait to fall out of touch with everyone I've met in college except for you.
28. I found a stick in the bush!
29. I graduated Magna Cum...
30. I graduated. So, now I'm like smart and stuff.
31. I have been in love with you every day since day one in school.
32. I have never let my schooling interfere with my sex life.
33. I may be graduating with a 2.4 GPA, but I got a 4.0 in treading the ladies riiiiight.
34. I may not have made valedictorian, but today could still be a valedictory if you go out with me.
35. I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today.
36. I tripped on the walk to receive my diploma and fell in love with you.
37. I want to see you outside English — you take the best notes in the whole class.
38. I went commando to my graduation.
39. I'd like to thank my parents for getting me here, and the boy in the second row with the floppy hair for getting me home.
40. I'm graduating today! How about a graduation kiss? [Are you really graduating today?] No, but how about a kiss anyway?
41. I’m cap and you are gown, we just fit together.
42. If I look tired, it's because I've been studying you all night long.
43. If my exams were as easy as having sex with you, I'd be getting 100% scores on all my papers.
44. If someone was to write a story about my life, the climax would be our graduation when you agree to go out with me.
45. If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
46. If you ever need a compliment or a kidney call me.
47. If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
48. In the first place God made idiots, that was for practice, then he made school boards.
49. Is that a diploma in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
50. It was only when I finished the course and left my graduation diploma on the bus that I realized I'd become an actor.
51. Just graduated. It is time for graduation sex.
52. Let's commemorate our own personal academic achievements.
53. Let’s play professor and student — you practice giving me a C, and I’ll practice crying at your office hours.
54. Let’s sleep together … on the couches in Bechtel so that we don’t have to leave the library.
55. May your finals be as easy as you are.
56. My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.
57. Nice to finally meet all of you.
58. One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first time.
59. The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving..
60. The direction in which education starts a man will determine his future.
61. The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist...
62. The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
63. The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
64. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
65. There is a good reason they call these ceremonies 'commencement exercises'. Graduation is not the end, it's the beginning – of our relationship.
66. They call me 'The Dean.' And I just put you on my list.
67. Wanna help me earn some extracurricular activity points?
68. Wanna pull an all-nighter with me?
69. Wanna see what's under this cap and gown?
70. Want to have sex during the graduation ceremony?
71. We would go great together like cap and gown.
72. Well, I've already met your parents. Should we just get married?
73. Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional.
74. You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
75. You have as many curves as the Biology 1A final … which I still failed.
76. You know what they say about the deserted shelves in Main Stacks — they’re terrific for productivity.
77. Your cap and gown would look great on my bedroom floor!
78. Your eyes are as sparkly as the graduation firework.